Nothing Personal ayt. . .

SHOUT IT OUT:

Last night was the best party hahaha! Frankly, I didn't like my exchange gift, but at least she gave a swiss knife. It was the best Christmas gift I got.

HOT SEAT:

I gave you a reminder. Though I know it is yours, I guess having it shared to the world for that long is enough. Remember, they have other friends out there. But like I said, its yours to decide, I am not forcing you to remove but rather requesting.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

It feels so good to be free and forgiven again!

Not so good Christmas

LOST IT AGAIN:

Yep, I lost my phone again alright, but my dad told me that mom's going to give me her phone which is also my favorite model of Motorola. Though I'll get it soon, I felt depressed and cursed. I always loose my cellphone at least once a year. Does this mean something or its just my carelessness?

CONFISCATED:

Last Tuesday my ID got confiscated by a professor. It was because I was shouting at the corridor. Well my friends and I got a bit hyped that day and we were like teasing each other. But the worse part of it was not my offense, but being a pathetic liar. Well the prof didn't know who shouted among us at first and I kept silent. So she confiscated our IDs. I admitted my offense two days after our IDs got confiscated. So by the time I made my confession with her, she gave back there IDs but mine will be given to the D.O. and will be returned on the 7Th of January. Better to have my ID confiscated rather bringing my guilt and conscience the whole Christmas.

SERVICE:

Who would have thought that I would be only serving three out of ten high masses; one at night and two on the morning. I am to tired recently and my body is demanding recreational activities and sleep; not to mention I am really thin and I am not getting taller anymore. There were many issues at KOA which I would not mention here. But why at these month? Why at this Christmas season? For all of the months that can happen, why now? But things are getting out of hands now. I guess my time is almost up and I am about to sign a resignation form sooner than I thought. I feel that they are being so dependent on us elders. It's about time to carry things on there own.

Dreams

MEMOIR LOG:

Usually before I go to sleep I drink either a hot or cold milk together with my multi-vitamins, brush my teeth, do a little stretching, pray and sleep. But now, that routine slightly changed. Sometimes I forget two to three of those things; but for sure I won't forget brushing my teeth.

Sometimes, I have a hard time getting to sleep, I suffer to a symptom called Insomnia. But when I get so tired, I fall asleep easily. Then of course, like others, I either have dreams or nothing at all.

Psychologically speaking -- Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung identify dreams as an interaction between the unconscious and the conscious. They also assert together that the unconscious is the dominant force of the dream, and in dreams it conveys its own mental activity to the perceptive faculty. While Freud felt that there was an active censorship against the unconscious even during sleep, Jung argued that the dream's bizarre quality is an efficient language, comparable to poetry and uniquely capable of revealing the underlying meaning (source: wikipedia.org).

But for me dreams are meant for three things; they may entertain your mind, give you a warning or sign, or the exact opposite of reality.

Sometimes the mind teases the heart through this dreams. And it so depressing when I could be with that someone I love in my dreams and not in reality. Where infact in reality, we are slowly loosing communication with each other. Its like watching a moive or series, you feel like you're part of it, you know what to do or what's coming up next but all you can do is just to watch everything go down. . .

Christmas Just Around the Corner

SHOUT IT OUT:

Since the Christ the King celebration, this last Sunday, ramadam ko na ang pagpasok ng pasko. Lalo na yung kumanta ng mass ay yung Grand choir, ang galing talaga nila! Some would say na since Nov 1 ramdam na nila yung pasko some would say its still early. But what's wrong with that, basta pag pasko masaya! For those na hindi ramadam yung pasko this year, I wish there is a way I could share this joyful feeling with you. Yung parang nasa mood ka lagi kahit makita mo yung kaaway niya sa hallway ng school mo at alam niyo lagi na everything would be fine. Basta hindi ma-express with words lang.

Pero grabe naman yung pag pasok ng pasko lumindol at nag kabagyo pa. Let us pray for those who are affected sa typhoon.

Well mukhang matutuloy yung gathering, I am praying that it would be successful as always and that meron kaming bagong members sa Youth. This is all for my fellow youth and for God!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Christmas is just around the corner, so start making your wish lists, start giving gifts and share everything that you have with your family and friends. Pray for that there would be peace and prosperity! Let us enjoy this Christmas season!

Sem Break's Up

SHOUT IT OUT:

Hay naku! Patapos nanaman ang sem break, dalawang bagay ang hindi ko nagawa with in this break, that is to visit my cousin and his wife before they live the country and to have one good "chillax" time with my barkada. Hindi ako masyado nakapag unwine pero, at least kahit papaano marunong na ako mag drive ng konti and mostly I am with my friends serving Him, masaya itong sem break na ito and a bit sad din kasi my Tita left na. But my other Tita will be back here, God Willing. Itong isang Tita kong ito nung Grade 4 ko pa siya hindi nakikita.

I am a bit nervous and excited going back to school. Pero ayus naman din kasi eh, time ko dapat sa skul sa Friday is 7:00am, tapos PE pa first subject. Pero at least 2 breaks namin hehehe.

Sana matuloy yung Gathering, erg palagi nalang na momove yung sked :-( at sana maging maayos din =) .

HOT SEAT:

I am sorry for the things I've said, may God forgive me on that. Just one thing though, I felt provoked when you did that. Remember, I hate those people who are arrogant and plastic. But like wise, to be fair, I ain't stopping you man.

Thanks to you I've learned something new. Take care, God Bless and hope to see you soon.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

As much as possible control your anger, you might say or do things that's uncalled for. Remember to calm down and be optimistic as usual.

Take a Break

SHOUT IT OUT:

I have barely dodged a bullet this semester. Though I had no failing marks, a waiver was given to me. I have not reached the required average. First time ko toh. I brought my dad along with me. Nung midterms palang alam ko na na hindi ko maabot yung finals. But the funny thing about it, is we both just laughed on it. After dad signed the waiver, we both walked to the lobby and just laughed on it. He even said na "Buti na lang wala kang bagsak." So it was really a double relief for me, buti na lang! So now I got a lot of work to do.

Last Saturday's Youth assembly was a blast! It was really energetic grabe. Though I have to admit, kulang ng man power yung nag sponsor ng event. But the Mass and the youth jam, astig talaga. Na believe nga ako dun sa mga special youth na pumunta, ang tyaga ng madre na nag hahandle sa kanila.

We watched the movie Butterfly On a Wheel last night. My first impression of the movie was boring, but I find the 300 vs 007 fight awesome! The story has a good moral lessons for couples especially for men. Pero natawa ako dun sa ending, the wife was weird and scary. And the husband was not man enough to tell the truth, grabe!

HOT SEAT:

I have no intention to hinder your plan. But just remember what I told you, okay. And also if something bad happened, the first person your gonna deal with is me. You neither know her nor her friends yet. This is not a warning but both a reminder and an advice. Who am I to stop you?

I am glad that you'll be staying, good for you and me. Your all that I've got.

I am touched when you said "Hindi ako nagkamali ng nalapitan." I am really thankful for that. I hope you'll soon get over it.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

A problem is like a tattoo. Before the picture is formed on the surface of the skin, it has to undergo a process of scarification. The person, during this painful process, has nothing to do but to bear the pain of and focus his mind that it will be finished soon and hope that the outcome will be beautiful. For us to deal with life we should not forget to focus on the things that we have to do. And enduring this pain is also a challenge for us to become a better person.

Inspiration from: "Scarification"

by Fr. Jude Rebaldo

On My Observation (1)

SHOUT IT OUT:
I had a wonderful experience with my Auntie this morning. Both of us went to her praise and worship Sundays (she had a different religion). Well the venue was big and well ventilated and ang dami ring tao. Tapos yun nag simula na yung worship nagging energetic na ang lahat, pati ako napasama. Ang ganda ng music and animations sobra, nakukuha nila yung attention ng tao. Naaliw ako sa pag sayaw ng mga animators, the danced gracefully on stage; as in kuhang kuha nila (malamang eh kung every Sunday nila ginagawa yun eh hehehe). May mga colors and flowers pa as props. Parang hindi lang nila napeperfect just because praktisado nila or sanay na but parang they are all offering it to God, I mean na parang may halong spirituality in it. Na music was awesome too, hehehe napapakanta ako even new yung songs for me. The Sermon was also excellent, ang galing ng "Pastor" nila magsalita. The theme was about "Isaac: A Very Difficult Sonship" , it talks about the youth and why do they sometimes act in a different way. From beggining to end, ang saya hehehe. . . But all of it was just an observation, I am really happy to be a Catholic, this is not so different with our Youth Prayer Meetings and Community Prayer Meetings.

To be continued. . .

Big Thorn Out

SHOUT IT OUT:

Natapos na yung mga kay hirap hirap naming mga exams, pero mas marami pa akong sure na sagot sa Health Care at RLE compared sa Statistics. I just hope na I pass all of my subjects. Although I have to admit na hindi ako nag seryoso this sem, pero sana kahit waiver makuha ko, ayoko uulitin yung subject na nabagsak ko. But still, I have this slight chance that I might pass, I still have my faith, God willing!

Pasaway! May recollection pa eh, hihirit pa yung school ng pera sa amin eh. Mag wawala ako pag uulitin namin yung clearance, takte kasalanan nyo yan gawan nyo ng paraan!!!!!!!! (This sentence is not addressed to my fellow classmates)

I watched Stardust with my family and PRYM last night hehehe, okay lang yung movie. Although the movie project was late on schedule and had a bit of technical problems, at least nakanuod yung mga tao. Pero wait lang! Ayus ayusin sana nila movie service sa susunod! Takte! Ang usapan kasi 8pm pero nag simula 9pm, tapos may problema pa sa sounds. Pasalamat sils, sa kanila tayo pumunta!

First on my agenda this sem break, hmmmm. . . Papaturo ako mag drive! Woooohhhhoooo!

HOT SEAT:

I didn't do well at my stats, takte naman kasi. He focussed us on doing calculations but the examination prioritized more on explanations and interpretations. I only used my calculator once, pero nung nag kaklase kami turo siya ng turo ng tamang paggamit ng scientific calcu. He reminded us that the situation will be like this kung kelan last day of stat class. Prof no offense, I know you are very consdirate and all but please change your teaching style, lalong nabobobo yung mga estudyante. Alam mo naman palang more on interpretations yung test, bakit mo kami pinokus sa pag calculate. Yes I know that its also important, but at least man lang ni-review mo kami the week before the examination. Now, I know it is our duty to study, pero we have to give more priority on our major subjects, hindi naman pinagmamaliit yung subject mo (minor siya kasi), pero please don't be such a heavy burden to us. Nahihirapan na nga kami sa mga major namin tapos gaganituhin mo pa kami. Please change your teaching strategy!

Salamat sa lahat, salamat sa pakikisama, salamat sa saya, salamat sa pag tititwala, salamat sa suporta. Hanggang sa muli, magkikita kita pa rin tayo. Darating din ang araw na kumpleto tayo at magkakasamasama sa isang libangan. Pero sa ngayon paalam muna, ingat ka kapatid. . .

REFLECTION:

There are some people who are lucky and there are those who just needs more effort to achieve certain goals. But what inspires me, is that they would do whatever it takes just to have better lives of there own and there family's. They'll sacrifice everything just to attain it. These are the real heroes of today. They would put there life on it and they would shed tears and blood if needed. So the next time you had problems studying, remember to focus on your goal, think of your future and your family. And do it all for God.

Barely Hanging

SHOUT IT OUT:

Just took the final examination for Micro and PolGov. Nakakatawa naman tignan na nahihirapan ako sa Polgov, kasi I focussed more on Micro pero kahit na nahirapan din ako dun yun nga lang ang dami kong sure na sagot. Ramdam ko na talaga magkaka waiver ako, well whatever consiquences there might be, handa na ako. . . . . . I hope. . . . . . Bad trip kasi natyempuhan pa kung kelan nan dito sina Tita at Lola.

PRYM! 3 years na tayo of service! Let's keep it up yo! Sana may chillax hehehehe. . . .

REFLECTION:

I guess this is meant to happen for a reason. But I still have my faith though. Why is it have to be so close!?

Why do I get the feeling that I will be left alone again?

Just Got Drained

SHOUT IT OUT:

Just tired, talagang tinitira kami nitong mga minor subjects na ito ever since nawala na yung RLE. Tignan mo it took me the whole night till morning tapusin yung project namin sa computer na macromedia presentation. Nang dahil dyan hindi ko masyado nasa ulo yung sarili kong speech, hindi ako nakareview for my stats but the good thing is that hindi natuloy yung quiz. Hehehe pasensya na Sir kung bad trip kayo sa amin. Pero at least nabawi lahat nung nag homeroom hehehe, talent ek-ek.

Sorry if I am lacking something lately, its just this studies and my other family relatives are here. Babawi talaga ako sa gathering and YPM.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

With in my words came out the reason why I am here. The answers just came falling right on top of my head. So, I have to admit that I have eaten my own comments before.

Loko kayong mga amboys ah! Mabuti nga may mga nag-aalaga sa inyo mga katulad namin. Hindi sa pag yayabang noh! Pero san ka makakakita ng ganyang kabait, kaalaga at maarugang tao. Tapos sa huli lalaitan niyo kami ng ganito, mga gago pala kayo eh! Kung lahat ng mga pasyente nyo hangginan namin ng injection ha, tignan lang natin! Oo nga matataas yung mga binibigay nyong sweldo, pero wala nang mas hihigit pa sa binibigay naming pag-alaga ng kalusugan ninyo. Ang laki ng pasensya namin sa mga reklamo ninyo tapos ganito lang gagawin niyo sa amin. Tapos kanina lang naka hirit nanaman kayo, inisar ba naman yung dating pangulo namin. Ewan ko ba sa inyo, tignan niyo nga yung pangulo ninyo, lasinggero, mali mali pa ang pag bigkas ng sariling wika. Tira ng bomba dito, gawa ng gera dyan. Patirahin ko kayo sa mga Koreano eh, isang bomba lang kayo. Sana maalis na ang anumang diskrminasyong meron hindi lang sa amin kundi sa lahat. Hindi sa nakeke-alam pero apektado din ako, kahit estudyante lang ako, nilalait nyo yung mga kuya, ate, tita, tito at yung mga ibang magulang namin. Pambihira kasi mga tamad kayo mag alaga ng kapwa tao ninyo!

Just Not For Me

SHOUT IT OUT:
Well last night my dad, aunt, grand mother and I had a serious talk with regards of my transferring of school and shifting course. Well they gave advises as usual, but still the decision was mine. So I decided not to shift course but I will transfer but there was a hindrance. The school where I plan to transfer does not accept transferees, and that really pissed me off. So I guess all that I've been bragging and planning about was not worth it after all. So so long to that skul, sayang talaga ang ganda ng lugar! Talagang pagtitiisan ko na lang itong skul kung nasaan ako ngayon no matter what.
Wala na kaming RLE pero yung minor subjects naman ang sakit sa ulo, takte ang dapat pahinga ko ay nagging time para gumawa ng projects and stuff.

HOT SEAT:
My friend, I advice that you better stop being bossy or treating me like a piece of crap, there might be a time that I might just punch you out of no where. Good thing I am able to control my anger unlike before. But dude just change your attitude! That's all man, you're all that I've got out there, let's not make things worse.

REFLECTION:
Well, there are just somethings that come into your life that seems not right. Sometimes this leads you to the right decision but sometimes it just leads you to despair. But what matters is the thing that you do and the decisions that you make. There is always a reason for everything that happens to us and we must decide what to do about it.

Gone Shopping

SHOUT IT OUT:

Well I didn't review much on Micro Biology, but I just hope I pass this one.

Finally I have my Gold Timezone Card ,hehe, pero nawala yung pag ka wangan ko due to my one month absence of playing. But I am getting the hang of it.

Erg the meeting didn't went well did it? Ang nakaka-inis pa I was not there. Err babawi ako

Ang saya ko this day, pumunta kami ni Tita sa MOA. Nagulat ako bigla nilibre ako ng dinner, bumili kami ng polo shirt and regular shirt for me, then we bought 2 Sitti CDs, yung first and second album, them we bought lola and daddy pasalubong na donuts. Haha enjoy, thank God they are here!

REFLECTION:

I am relly happy that you guys are here. Ever since you arrived I've been eating a lot and like wise healthy. I am now able to eat my breakfast again regularly.

Things are not going well academically but the difference this time is I am somewhat striving harder and I am gaining new knowledge with my course.

You've got some f****** nerve telling them what happened to me. Could you please just stop annoying me. Yes I know this is old news but yet for me I felt like you are bringing my dignity down. I am not doing any single thing to you so please stop re-injuring my wounds that was so hard to heal! Just stay out and quit telling it to others please! You've got no business telling others my past!

Judgement Day

Day 6 Wednesday

Well nothing much happened, although naawa ako talaga sa mga leaders ng bawat grupo. Nag puyat sila for the defense. The day was for them to finalize there work with the community defense with the help of our clinical instructors. I slept most of the time, me and my group mates, except for our leader.

Day 7 Thursday

It was our final case defence for the community survey and it will be defended by our leaders. There are three leaders We can help our leaders by answering some questions that they could not answer. Well for you to get the picture of how many we were, there are three community groups Pasay, Las Pinas and Paranaque which I belong. Each community group has at least 10-12 groups of randomly picked sections each groups has 10-15 members. So ang dami namin pero yung leaders lang yung pinagawa ng mga CI. So all of us members were relying our grades to our leaders. So to know who will present the case first, the leaders had draw lots and we were the first one to present. But we ended up number one averaging to 84%. Imagine we had an avergae grade but we were the highest. So the only problem now is my health care.

Simply Happy and Badtripped

SHOUT IT OUT:

My Auntie is finally here wooohhhhoooo! Kumpleto nanaman kami at last after 2 years. At least I have someone to talk to and more food to eat and of course to have more financial support, hehehe! Nakakainggit yung mga gadgets nya :(( , I wanna have those too. Dibale pag nakaipon ako hehehehe. . .

Sayang! Sale sa MOA kanina hindi man lang ako nakabili ng mga vcd, dvd or books. Niyayaya ko family ko but they went na to SM na kanina, erg nakaka-inis. But okay na din I need to study a bit. Kailangan ko makabawi sa Health Care, warning na ako s***!

Another bad trip ay yung hindi ako sure kung makakapunta ako sa meeting sa Sept 22 kasi Unit test namin pero at least makakapunta ako sa aniv, that's for sure.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Well I am so glad that my auntie is back! I hope she'll teach me how to drive, hehehe.

Everything's going well now. All of our hindrances are put away but still we have limitations now, but to tell you honestly I kinda miss you a bit. But everything has changed and we have continue our lives in seperate ways. If you need help don't hesitate to ask from me.

My friend, don't let those people bother you. Let them be and just continue the things that you've got to do if you still wanted to live here. I know exactly how you feel but remember that there is someone else who had more problems than you. And please stop blaming Him for your sorrows.

Two Nights Out

Day 3 Wednesday

THE NIGHT BEFORE:
If last week's community was hot, this week was Toxic! Grabe! Nag-empake ako nung Tuesday Morning before going to classes for our overnight with my group at RLE to make our case study. The house that we stayed in was near at the community site so we had no problems of being late at our RLE the next day. Nagkataong PE din namin that day, so I brought a lot of things but I didn't bring my Pol Gov and Stat book. Buti na lang my aunt helped me on my PE clothes. Haha! natawa ako sa ibang girls na nag overnight, lumabas yung tunay na pananamit sa mga bahay nila! Hehehe! My Insomya helped, plus uminom pa ako ng 3 cups of coffee and 8 pieces of kisses chocolates. Yun nga lang hindi talaga ako nakatulog. I brought my laptop, though really slow and crappy, it helped a lot for me and my group mates.

THE DAY ITSELF:
As I said kulang talaga ako sa tulog, my head hurts a lot plus I was a bit drowzy and dizzy attending our RLE. So pumunta kami sa meeting place about 7:00-7:15am, to finish yung mga kulang pa gawin sa pamilya namin. Before we started, tumambay muna kami saglit sa may bilyaran just near the house of our family, kasi tulog pa sila. Nakatulog ako sa may table (hindi yung billard table ah) for about an hour ata with my partner to wait for our family to wake up. After assessing our family, kumain kami with the other groups sa Max's Resto, pang piesta pagkain namin; parang kala mo tapos na Defense namin sa Case Study, hehehe. And then we went back to our Clinical Instructors for there final instructions for defense for the next day and dismissed na kami. Hindi muna ako umuwi, I volunteered to help my group with the power point. For once I thought I would be going home, but no. Nag overnight uli ako (this time sa house of our other member) kasi hindi ko pa natapos yung Case Study ng ka-pair ko, I have to help with the case study for the group and mukhang delikado yung plan ko na umuwi ng late na late. But at least medyo masaya yung overnight ko na ito, actually nagkaraoke muna kami before we started hehe. And nakatulog ako for at least two hours. Nilabhan ko yung uniform ko and tinapat ko sa electricfan para madaling matuyo.

Day 4 Thursday

1st DEFENSE:
Ginising ako ng maaga, hehehe, bitin pero kailangan eh, my laptop was very, very, very, slow, na over used. Plus nagloloko pa yung extra gadgets na ginagamit namin (another laptop and a PC) na ginagamit namin. So I was in a rush na tensed na inis. Becuase ako yung taga transfer ng files from laptop to laptop and PC to laptop plus I kinda helped a little yung sa Case Study for the group and ginagawa ko pa yung Case Study ng ka-pair ko. At 7:00am, We brought the printer sa school to print there yung mga extra coppies for our pannel. We were the second group to discuss and defend our case study. Buti na lang mababait yung mga CI namin and we got a grade of 84%. What do you expect, it was just our first time. But it was worth it!

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

I can't believe that I put all my trust in you and yet you left me with all of these load. Yes, you may have done the Physical Examination at the family but I made the whole f****** documentation that consists of First Level Assessment, Second Level Assessment, Cues/Data, Scoring, Ranking and Nursing Care Plan. Isa ito sa mga dahilan kung bakit ayoko yung section ko maraming makakapal ang mukha! Tan*-*** wala akong pake-alam kung tinutulungan mo ang kaibigan mo! Sarili mong partner or case wala kang paki-alam put** ka. Still at least I have already an idea and I've learned something. And all of my sleepless nights, hard work and two nights out were all worth it. And it's not over yet. . .

Everybody falls and everybody rises, but for now I am in a middle of it. It is normal for first timers to fall, but it is up to you if you'll let it get over your head or improve. Remember that you're not the only one, having problems or difficulties on academics. Though I slept for two nights to get only an average grade, it was worth it. I can't say if I got tired nor I had a good time with my classmates but I know for sure this is my first achievement as a Nursing student. I also felt like a student that lives on dormitories, it was challenging.Good thing I was with my classmates who were hard working.

The Heat

Day 1: Wednesday

I quickly got up from bed at around 5 am, kala ko malelelate na ako kasi yung call time naming dapat sa skul ay 6:30am. Ligo ako agad and drank milk for breakfast. Sakto lang yung pag dating ko sa skul, yung mga CI namin nasa canteen kumakain. Nakatulog pa ako sa Lecture Hall B for an hour. Nakabawi naman, pero nakakainis din kasi call time ng mga CI 6:30am pero nag simula kami at around 8am. Lecture palang yun, hindi pa kami lumalabas sa community.

So after the lecture nag lunch kami sa Mcdo and started the survey sa Baclaran. Well actually binilang muna naming yung ilang family members present sa assigned street sa amin. Buti na lang yung sa amin yung napapapunta sa amin ng partner ko mga cooperative. Pero grabe ang init mga amoy anak araw na kami at dumikit na sa amin yung mga usok galing sa tambucho ng jeep. Nakakapagod! Ligo ako agad pag uwi tapos tulog agad sa kama.

Day 2: Thursday

Ngayon ko ata na appreciate yung ginagawa ko kesa kahapon. It took us almost an hour to conduct a survey on each houses, tatlo yung pinuntahan namin ng partner ko. Tapos namili kami ng isang family for an interview using the Gordon’s. Yun ang actually gusting gawin, to have an interview, ask questions and give advices. Kaya yung init at pagod today was worth it. But the worse and madugong part is yet to come. Grabe next week na yung Case Study.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

My anxieties are wearing out slowly and I am on the mood to study again, somehow. I just hope this continues.
I suddenly realized that we should first prioritize the things that are needed and stick to whatever plans you’ve made. Thanks for the advice because it encouraged me somehow.
I hope they accept me, God willing. See you soon bro!

Upon Arrival

SHOUT IT OUT:

My midterm was a catastrophe! Kailan kong bumawi sa lahat as in. Grabe if I was high last year, this year I slumped really hard. Kailan ko bumawi before I make things worse.

Last Saturday, September 1 at around 6am, my dad and I fetched my grandmother at the airport. We discussed a lot of things like my recent happenings, the repairs needed for the clinic, the changes that had happen and so many many more. Nawala banaman for 2 years, hehehe. First time ko nagging open sa kanya.

I apologize again if hindi ako nakapunta sa practice ng animators and ung sa duty ko sa ushers. Promise talaga babawi ako next week. Biglaan kasi si Lola nag decide na gusto niya makita yung relatives ko sa Pacita. Sayang nga lang si Ate tulog hehehe, yung isa naman dala ang kanyang junior and I finally saw my other cousin's wife. She is very very very pretty, my kuya is very luck and the girl also was very lucky, hehehe. I raise my glass to both of you!

HOT SEAT:

Well this is my first ever "hot seat" blog entry. Well no offense to the person (s) I am gonna put on here okay; but bear in mind that I am not doing this to put some one's dignity or reputation down. But with in respect to privacy I won't mention any names. But since "Willie Reviliame" and "Joey De Leon" are very much popular, I would make this one an exception. Hell everyone knows you!

To both parties I really like your shows; in fact I've been watching Eat Buluga since elementary then later discovered MTB that was later changed to another noon time show that I forgot and again was changed to Wowowee.

Willie had made many mistakes; like he had a case on the past, civilian casualties and now the error on a game. Good thing Willie admitted he's mistakes but next time, please, plan and organize everything very well before you execute. I know that you have difficulties hosting and managing the show but remember that the people are relying on it (as long as the other one) just to get have there needs.

To the other show, especially to Joey De Leon, I know you have concerns with regards to the people being dependent on those games, but you are so unprofessional on showing it! I'll spell it to you U-N-P-R-O-F-E-S-S-I-O-N-A-L! Now this does not mean that I am siding on Willie but if you want to show your concern, do it in a way that there would be no discrimination to the other station. You should know better, you have been hosting for years! Now, I know that the people must have knowledge on any defrauds that's happening, but still do it in a "professional" way, not like a bully taking advantage to a child. You said "explain before you complain", yes that's true, but Willie has the right to complain at this point and the error has been explained anyway by the manager. And you are the source of this catastrophe, punot dulo ka nito. Willie admitted his mistake so don't add anymore insults to injury. You think with your idea of "hugot likod" or the you tube thingy you brought up was funny?

Now who am I to post this? I mean you are an experienced artist and I am just an ordinary civilian, a viewer and a student. I am concerned to my fellow youth and youngsters who are viewing; there are kids watching your show! To both parties, your objective is to bring joy and inspiration to the viewers. If they continue to view something like these (eg: cheating, acts of intolerance) they would perceive this stimuli to be normal and they may add this as there daily habit. And like there are those people that are dependent and hoping that they would win something just to bring something home to there families even just a little bit. Please, our country is now facing numerous problems, so don't add up to it anymore.

What's done is done, Wowowee had an error and they are sorry so stop it, okay. Everything was explained! So just continue doing what you have to do; bring joy and inspiration and be both professional competitors as well.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

Well, hehe, what a hell of a hot seat, hehehe!

I've made up my mind already, I just hope I've made the right decision, may God help me.

If there are any fueds in or out I just hope it woul be over soon.

Burning these letters

MEMOIR LOG 3:

When I got in to that school, I am as innocent as I am always. And entering this new stage will entirely change my life's perspective. Yes, it had a big impact on me; esspecially when she came in to my life. Who would have thought that I would love someone with so much affliction. I had done this before but this one was special. No words could explain my feelings for her. I am a man of action than of words; believe me, I don't talk about it but rather I do something about it.

I still remember the night when I opened myself up to you that quickly. That we exchanged talents, jokes, stories and experiences. When we are about to go home together. The conversations we had on the phone. And I can still remember the exact scent of your perfume. Everytime I could smell its aroma, all I could think of is you.

I remember the night that you said you needed space; we had a bit of a conflict that was later resolved but only for a mean time. Then out came from my pathetic mouth the most stupid thing that I've ever said and done to you. Then we had lost communications, we didn't talk and we don't even great each other, "hi, hello, good morning, bye and take care" as if we were complete strangers.

I was left alone, you left me behind without any reasons at all. I had no one else to talk about it. I can't trust my friends yet that time because we were only about to know each other's personality. I had also this foolish idea to leave all of communications to all of my organizations, friends and cousins, thinking that this would help me focus more. But rather, I was isolated. Imagine that I've kept everything for myself. My mornings are all shitty, going to school was like hell, I always had this heavy pain on my chest, I was blaming and swearing to myself and God. I had scuicidal tendencies and I had lost my faith. I have let these emotions took over me.

This pain I carried turned to feelings, then this feelings had become my actions, then actions to habits and habits to routines. Until slowly, I realized all of these were just temporary. I don't want to stay in the shadows for a long time. I can't let it take over me. Slowly I got fed up with these routines and as I progress my routines began to desintegrate, until it finally lasted and has become a memory.

I had become a fool, pathetic and a laughing stock for a long time. Yet I strived hard to change. Despite of the problems, disappointments, embarasments and all of the negativity that I've undergone, I was able to get myself back on track. I was able to keep those things in the past where it should be. I moved on. . . In a hard way though.

For a while I thought that everything would be over, that everything will just be wasted. But I can't let it happen. I have come this far and to slash my own life is like putting all of my achievements into the bin. Though I've been trough this predicament, the suffering was worth while. It made me a stronger person than before plus I've learned a lot about life and reality.

Now, I am just doing things that I've got to do, although my midterms are quite disappointing (hehehe sorry about that), I was able to appreciate life more. Like I said past will be past and will stay six feet under. Right now believe it or not, when when I remember these things I've done, I just laugh about it.

"Gold can never be pure when it is not placed on fire. It has to endure its flames plenty of times until the refiner is finally satisfied to its shape and beauty. . ."

and


"Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. . ."

My Progress

SHOUT IT OUT:

Well my midterms went well for only my minor subjects, to tell you the truth hindi ako masyado nakapag-aral sa Microbiology. Buti pa yung English, hindi ako talaga nag-aral (who does ba sa amin?) pero ang dali lang sobra, lalo na 50 items lang yung test. I don't know what's happening to me but I think I am not even afraid of flunking this midterms, maybe its because of this things I've been thinking lately.

The CPM for me was a blast, esspecially that Bo Sanchez was the speaker. I was quite inspired by his talk; it was all about asking for God's Blessing and that we have the power to control our future if you just have faith on God and yourself. Well the dance went well, although yung isa wala, tsk tsk tsk. Sorry if hindi ako nakapunta sa assigned time ko sa ushers, pero I redeemed myself nung 6:30pm mass and again sorry if hindi ako nakapunta kanina sa meeting. Dapat may errand kami ni dadehyoh pero hindi natuloy, even so hindi ako pinayagan pumunta sa meeting, so sorry talaga. Partner! How's your "small happy feet" bwahahaha, joke, joke, joke lang po! I almost forgot mag-a-anniversary na pala yung PRYM, wooohhhhooooo!

Dang, I've got many things to do with in this week and this coming September sa church, school and family. And speaking of family my grand ma will be coming back this Saturday followed by my aunt on Sept 13 or 14 (sana may dalang chocolate and guitar strings). At last someone to talk to about my recent happenings.

REFLECTION:

I am looking forward to talk with my other realtives about this, I've already talked about it with only one of my cousins, friends, my mom and dad. Finally my grand ma and my aunty will be coming. I feel at ease and somehow I let a bit of this anxiety out, so for those of my friends that I approached and listen, I thank you for lending me your ears, the time, consultation, advices and sharing me also your experiences. Slowly, the mojority of my decision is shifting, but again and again my decision has not been made and I am still thinking of it. Right now I am just trying to survive and looking for a school I can apply just in case I decided to shift.

Something I've just learned, hehehe; "Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love is not love when you give it away."

Loosing Interest

MEMOIR LOG 2:

I remember when it’s a Saturday, holiday or no classes; my friends use to call and invite me to play at an internet café or video games. But most of the time we go to a house and play all day long and at night we would go to ATC and watch a movie. Back then, we were thinking of what courses we chose and what schools had we passed the entrance exam. But mostly we talk about our dreams; dreams that are un-reachable or ridiculous, dreams that when you see us in it you might ask us, “Are you guys serious?” But at least it was our interest.

I was looking at my goal so much that I have forgotten my real interests. And I think this why nothing is happening even when I study or sometimes get a little lazy. This might be also the reason I have this feeling of being out of place. But let’s put this way, if ever I found out what my interests are, what is then my vision of me 5-10 years from now? This began to bother me.

These thoughts have been a big issue with in me every single day. It is really, really difficult to decide. Right now I am reminding myself not to think about this for now and at least finish this one semester, but it’s such a distraction. I can’t focus on my studies and I can’t do anything right. I just wanted to give up right now and drop everything, I wanted to break free from this anxiety I am in.

Guys, I am sorry if I talk about this all the time. It is not for the sake of just having a blog entry but I just wanted to let this out. . .

Culture Silence

SHOUT IT OUT:

Nang dahil kay bagyong Egay, walang pasok all levels from Wednesday to Saturday NCR. Sana lagging ganito hahaha joke, gusto ko din pumasok noh! But honestly I have not yet reviewed that much to all of my subjects, I reviewed only at Stats and Pol Gov and I am slowly forgetting what I had studied.

Wow! Ng dahil sa DOTA nag reunion kaming kaberks, hehehe. Bano na ako sobra, naging feeder na ako, nakakahiya na ako pag mag laro. Hell its just a game not a life and death situation. Although I still have my touch on playing PS2 puzzle and RPG games. Sayang I wanted to play Silent Hill 5 pero sa PS3 na siya, ang bilis ng turn over ng tecnology.

I am still thinking if I would continue my course or shift. When I think of it, I am reminded of my plans after I graduate. But now, I just got to do what I've got to do.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Isn't it funny when we know that a person, or anyone that's close to us, has done a mistake but yet we tend to ignore it. And why? Its because that we are trying to avoid that the person might either reject our comments or he/she would feel rejection. I tell you, it is better to tell the person his/her mistakes as early as possible so that both of you won't be embarrased with each other. Based on my experience, I was insulted and back stabbed when I've heard people's comments from another person and not from themselves. What matters for me is that they themselves would tell me whatever problems they have and I don't care if it is positive or negative, not to mention I am a frank person. So if you have any problems or you feel uncomfortable with somebody, you better tell him/her right away before others notice it, esspecially if it is someone really close to you, tell it in manner that the person would not be rejected or hurt. Be civilized, polite and mature enough! If that person won't change or listen that is another story. At least you've tried and showed your concern. It is the person's decision to change not yours; we could only persuade.

Was it a sign?

SHOUT IT OUT:

Oh yan pang paalis din ng init ng ulo, nag pakalbo na ako hehehehe! Thanks to him nag pa semi na din ako hehehe! Of course bagay toh sa akin! Yun nga lang nagastos yung pang Wangan ko dahil dito; oh well at least presko. Walang pasok bukas make the most out of it. Grabe bagsak ko yung test sa subject na may background ako mostly, pero mas malala naman yung sa isa, ni isang quiz at unit test wala pa ako naipapasa. So I’ve got to really rely on the midterms, may God help me here.

Ei get well soon ah, hehehe namimiss nanaman kita!

FINAL THOUGHT:

The two storms that hit here saved my ass from all the up coming tests that I was not able to review. I am just wondering that if this is a sign that I should just continue my course or not. My practical at RLE was moved to August 30, our midterms were re-scheduled from Wednesday and Friday to Thursday and Saturday. And supposedly we will have our Health Care midterms today but it was moved next Tuesday instead. I was not able to review to all of the subjects yet and coincidently it was moved on my favor. I was wondering if fate was just trying to give me a break from all the stress and frustrations I am having. Although I will take note of this I won’t make it as my basis to stay on this course. Like some one said it is not an overnight decision.

Who is it to blame?

MEMOIR LOG 1:

Again I wake up today with this heavy feeling at my chest and head. Instead of waking up happily and thanking God for giving me life, all I could think of is pressure. Sometimes I wish that I can't get up from my slumber and let me sleep for all eternity. Yes some what I am suicidal. All of these for what? Just because of my school. Every single day going to school is like going to my own hell. I am struggling.

Then one day this came in to my mind, why the heck am I enduring this troubles when I could either transfer or shift course. I brought this up with my parents, obviously they got disappointed but I defended my statements. My true goal is to go abroad but I was focusing on it too much that I was not able to know myself, my abilities and my interests. So seeing that they've got no choice, the decision was given to me, whether to shift or not.

I am thinking of it very well because doing so means I've just wasted hundreds and thousands of pesos on my tuition for 4 semesters. Three from my first year and one which is right now at my second year. This also means that I've wasted my 1 1/2 years of time. On the other hand, if I continue with my course I may ended up not liking it at all and will just pressure things that's way out of my league. So I have 2 months to decide but one things for sure, whether to continue or not I will transfer to another school. I just hope I am doing the right thing, if not there will be no turning back.

Inauguration

SHOUT IT OUT:

My new blog and my first entry hehehe enjoy! Got to love that Rush Hour 3 hehehehe pinanood namin ni daddy twice.

Bahala kayo dyan! Dati ako ang may problema sa inyo, ngayon kayo naman may problema sa isa't isa. I hope you endure the same hell I had endured.

Finally I have arranged a meeting for the music ministry, I hope, with this plan I've made, we would progress and bring things further. Magtulung-tulngan lang at magkasunduan tayo and everything will be fine. Thanks for the cooperation kanina!

Mid Terms, pfffftt hell yeah like I'll study, hehehe joke I'll study later on. . . Soon, either I am out of that school or I'll shift. I am not comfortable anymore and its way out of my league. I just hope that I am doing the right thing.

FINAL THOUGHT:

I too have noticed some changes within the group and its becoming worse every single day. I knew that this would be coming but somehow I see that almost all of us are affected. But as long as I am not involve on the scenario I won't have any problems. Don't even dare to ruin my life that's already quite messy!

I know there is a bit of disappointment on me, but I just realized that its not about making big bucks but its about doing something that I could live and die for. I never said that you would like my decision but all I need for you to do is to understand. But don't worry I am still thinking about it.

I pray that we will be able to inspire, guide and make a better example to our fellow members. I ask guidance for what I am doing at my ministry and making the right decisions in life.