Getting stressed in a stupid way

Ito na yata yung araw na gumastos ako ng napakalaki, umabot lang naman ng P600 plus, hindi pa ako nag lunch nun. Well kasi nagising ako late, so nag taxi ako papuntang skul, on the way to school, naalala ko na naiwan ko yung CP ko na nakacharge. So kumain ako ng Ham & egg sa school and after our homeroom namin umuwi agad ako, pero nang utang muna ako sa isa sa prof namin at sa ate ng friend ko. Pag balik ko sa skul, hindi na ako naka attend ng Loci, late-absent pa sa health eco. Nag bayad ako ng P255 sa English dahil sa isang activity namin. Sinamahan ko sa internet cafe yung friend ko, nag internet na din ako. Nung dismissal, pumunta pa akong Quirino para mag-abot ng bilin. Worst gastos in my life, hindi pa ako nakapag lunch nun. Buti nalang meron akong extra mone

Actually I don't want to go to school, because of our schedule. Nung Monday walang pasok, tapos na kami mag duty for Wednesday and Thursday, so wala kaming pasok, epal lang talaga yung Tuesday. Nung pag-uwi ko nga kanina tinatamad na ako lumabas ng bahay, pero sabi ko, what's a 12 hour stress compared to 2 days off. Buti nga pumasok ako because we had a quiz on NCM 100. So yun. . . . . . . . Pahinga muna ako!

HOT SEAT:

Please for crying out loud. . . don't snap! That's all what I am asking for! And if you have problems to that person, it is better to tell it to him rather than to brag it to someone else.

This may seem cheesy but you got me high seeing you walking down the stairs. I really miss you a lot! You got more beautiful and your hair is really really pretty.

Gone Again . . .

Well others know na that I have already a duty, and tomorrow will be the last one for this semester. I don't know why but everytime I am on my way to the hospital I get angry frustrated or constipated. But when I am doing the real thing, like taking the vital signs, plotting the charts and going from one patient to another, I seem to like it. Hmmm, baka sa umpisa lang toh, kasi madali lang naman kunin yung TPR at BP ng pasyente. Ang ayoko lang talaga ay yung NCP at tinutulungan naman kami ng CI namin kasi syempre first exposure palang namin eh. But I am also confused, because nag no-nosebleed ako sa pag endorsement ng pasyente and I wonder if ever I will be able to understand yung sinasabi nila at yung mga sinusulat nila sa chart. I am also thinking of shifting, taking the vital signs is easy but pag may papagawa sa amin at may nangyayari sa pasyente na wiwindang na ako. I am thinking of either go to La Salle, Adamson or FEU, basta may mga engineering courses. Sa bakasyon I'll also start reviewing again on my math and science. Sometimes it pisses me off na lahat ng pinag hirapan ko nung high school, especially math, ay nabali wala sa current course ko. Oh well basta I am on the mood of shifting again. . . Nakakainis din isipin na nakakakonsensya yung gagawin ko at parang I have no choice about it but to continue but I'll think about it starting next week.

Well my mother and sister left na, they were here for only 3 weeks, my classmate was right that I'll just be excited upon they're arrrival but I won't feel they're pressence. Actually I felt that they only stayed for 3 days. My sister got taller and I know that soon maabutan na niya ako, I am proud of her; umaasenso siya at marami na din siyang nalalaman. I miss them already! Especially yung mga luto ni mama. Well Ito nanaman kami lang dalawa ni daddy sa bahay, mag-iinuman paminsan minsan, yung dinner namin halos the same for 2-3 weeks.

Paralyzed

Everything was messed up today!

I don't know if I will fail my P.E. because of absences, yeah laugh it all off, I might fail this stupid subject. Our dumb school placed it on 7am and I have problems waking up early. Our Health Eco is getting harder and harder, as if its a major subject. We have a big project on D & S that is so long and hard.

Ever since I stepped to that school, it feels like I can't do anything right and I almost can't do anything that I want. Now, I feel like it has taken away my freedom as well. I can't believe that I am here in this stage again of being pushed around. It just pisses me off that they are adding up to those people whom I dislike. Call me a squealer or a cry baby, I don't give a damn but I am just tired of this shit again. So here I am, back on my old me: going off alone sometimes, leaving my friends behind (because sometimes they eat with us), going to the library without any companions, being silent in one corner, letting them do there thing to me, smiling only if there are discussions which are happy and funny and being numb to almost everybody. The reason that I don't fight back is that I am unable to physically back myself up and I don't want to go down to there level. Trust me, if you are going down on a handicap match against the people who are foolish, stupid, immature and arrogant, you alone will lose even if you're that smart. They'll just drag and beat you down to there level. You may call me a coward but why don't they do this stuff to the professors and to the people who can match up with them instead; we'll see who's the one frightened. All they can do is talk! Plus there is this one block mate who has a problem with me that he won't tell me exactly what it is. Of all things, this is what I don't like! If you have a problem with me tell it straight to my face. Don't riddle it out for me but say it straight.

I feel like I am falling down with my social life and academics, just like what I always feel when I am still a kid. I should have transferred when I had a chance. But there is always this something that keeps me attached to them. I always wanted to be an Irregular student, but its impossible, I need to fail a subject or be one of those students who are in danger of there grades. And now I don't know if I could further keep up.