Storming In

Lately Depression is getting a hold of me again, they come one after another. This is what I hate about problems, when I am down with one another comes in, like opportunistic microorganisms; once they found you have low resistance they butt in and make you sick.

But those are my wages, I have to face the fact that its already written on my record and that I have to stand up for it. It was also my fault and like I said I am ready to face the consequences. I may not be able to erase those numbers but I could change it, meron pa akong magagawa. We all have our first times.

No Need to Tell, But to Understand

I know what will be your answer, at first I don't know why I even called you. I just stood up from my PC grabbed the phone and dialed your land line number. Of course I greeted you to start a conversation, then I asked if we could meet, without knowing if dad would even give me money which he eventually did. You said yes instantly. I need not to remind you over and over about it for you would not double cross me.

An hour was wasted before we finally met. I doubted that you would come but proved me wrong. You've added a little character but your own aura still shows, just the way I liked it. You still wear your usual smile, usual clothes when we meet, usual taste for liquors, usual type of clothes, usual philosophy, and usual optimism. Like back then we never ran out of stories and jokes.

Finally a question asked, at first I don't know how I would bring it out, straight to the point. You know where this was going like I did. "Why are you like this?" You asked "That's what I don't know. . ." I replied. I know that I would be wasting my time, my money, my breath and words but I still pursue on nothing. You don't want to talk about it as much as possible so I ride on with you for a while but then we go down to it again.

"You have no idea how much I missed you everyday. I wanted to call, text, PM and even go to your house but I just have to understand that you are busy like I am. I still long for you even if I know it's impossible. We've been together for only 3 years but we've known each other well for only 3 months, that's because we trust each other. You share your problems to me and mine to you. I keep myself busy for if I do nothing its only you in my head. You are the only piece from my past that I can't throw away."

"I am speechless . . . But . . . Why are you like this? You know that I don't want to think about it. No, please just understand and I am sorry. I am happy of where we are. What has got in to you? You know you are better than this, you know what is right. I am sorry but thankful to meet you. You are one of my few closets guys that I mention. And you have changed my life a lot."

Though we have a lot in common we have different priorities. It was not a mistake to meet up with you. I wanted to cut every communication with us at first, but I just can't. We shared more stories before we completely left to leave everything behind, except our friendship of course. I needed you to understand that I am really here for you even that I have failed. I still respect everything between us. We are always equal we don't awe anything from each other because we also repay everything in the end. I did not ask everything because I know that you may either not know the answer or purposely pass the question. I wanted also to hug you so much when you were holding back if only I didn't know where I stand.

Holding your hand for a second, we thanked each other apologized, turned back and went home. . . And another day has passed. . .

Thanks

I started as a pathetic student at my prelims, but carried on through my midterms and nearly lost my mind at my finals. All in all I could say that I just had my worse academic semester in my whole college life yet. But not all of it were as bad as it seems. I've met a lot of people and all of them were that good. I really love my Chem and Algebra class and the people I am with there. Also the Computer Programming and Drawing, those subjects were only minors but they really challenged me a lot. I'll be getting my card by our enrollment. I have a couple of subjects that are crucial and might fail. Like my cousin said to me; "Matututo ka sa mistakes mo, alam mo naman talaga kung ano ang dapat gawin. Ang importante matapos mo yung sem." I had made so many mistakes and I am ready to face the consiquences. . .

I also noticed that I have been such a Bible reader eversince I got into that group. They were the ones who helped me heal and guess what I have not been into it for 3 weeks straight. It's also hard sometimes, becuase the urge is still haunting me but my words are far more powerful and capable of rejecting it. I would really want to continue my journey but I have personal reasons why I cut it short. I also felt that I've become even more closer to Him. And what a way to thank Him by playing my guitar at our prayer meeting. Ito pa pala sobrang blessed ang PRYM, the prayer meeting is improving but our performance in it is not important but our faith and responsiblity on the blessings and tasks that are given to us.

I really don't know what to ask for now, except the usual protection, guidance and wisdom. I am happy to where I stand and what I have. I am inspired everytime I read His words which I almost normally do since the encounter; it is enough to brighten up my day. I am always on the right track of my seasons of life. So all I could say for now is thanks be to God and just keep on bringing those challenges up for I know in the end He'll still be at my side no matter what. I may have big problems but God is bigger than it.

Lately, Still On Fire

SHOUT IT OUT:

For some, I think they already knew what are my other co-curricular activities that I do at the University.

Ayoko mag salita ng tapos because usually the opposite happens afterward. But there are some instances that I felt healed my ways and practices in life changed also. Galing talaga ng Niya! Commit ka lang sa kanya lahat ng plano mo magiging successful (Proverbs 16:3)
I hope I would be able to use this sa ministry, there'll come I time but not now I still need to learn. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

FINAL THOUGHT:

This all seem awkward, if you would trace the roots of how did I came up here you would see that they are also problems that were the same reasons of why did I transfer. But what matters is what is happening right now and what are you doing at the time given to you. I am not what happened yesterday. Yes I endured what happened and survived what happened, but I am not what happened yesterday.

I am really happy when more and more people get to know Him and give there all but I am inspired when I see people change there ways. They knew that they had an oppurtunity to change and be healed and they didn't waste that oppurtunity like what Zaccheus did.

Ardent

SHOUT IT OUT:

I don't know, but lately I am on fire and always in the mood. Though I still have problems with few of my subjects, I didn't mind them much. Parang alam ko yung gagawin ko agad pag ganitong problema ang nangyari. And sometimes, not always, I could determine what could happen next. Minsan din tumutugma or natyetyempo ang mga galaw or mga nangyayari. Parang synchronized ang bawat pangyayari. Grabe, noh kung pwede lang sana ganito nalang palagi pero as usual, later in time everything has a price, the greater the heavier it will be.

Bato bato na lang sa langit, but please do remember why we are all here. I know we can't just erase our conflicts, but at least remember why you are here. I am also sorry for my actions but I was irritated lang kasi, so I am sorry. But that's how frank I can be, I just do it.

Sana naman Po good may good news ako this mid terms please. . . Btw ito na ang finals! Woooh magbabakasyon na. Guys I hope na pwede kayo mag overnight at sana payagan ako ni dads, swimming ah!
I have no money yet but God willing na bigyan ako, may purpose naman din kasi, hehehe.

FINAL THOUGHT:

We always have conflicts in life but it is us to decide if we fix it or let it destroy us. We experience this so that we may become a better person it can also make us lesser if we let it control our lives.

"You are made of the sum and total of the choices and decisions you make everyday."

Ardent

SHOUT IT OUT:

I don't know, but lately I am on fire and always in the mood. Though I still have problems with few of my subjects, I didn't mind them much. Parang alam ko yung gagawin ko agad pag ganitong problema ang nangyari. And sometimes, not always, I could determine what could happen next. Minsan din tumutugma or natyetyempo ang mga galaw or mga nangyayari. Parang synchronized ang bawat pangyayari. Grabe, noh kung pwede lang sana ganito nalang palagi pero as usual, later in time everything has a price, the greater the heavier it will be.

Bato bato na lang sa langit, but please do remember why we are all here. I know we can't just erase our conflicts, but at least remember why you are here. I am also sorry for my actions but I was irritated lang kasi, so I am sorry. But that's how frank I can be, I just do it.

Sana naman Po good may good news ako this mid terms please. . . Btw ito na ang finals! Woooh magbabakasyon na. Guys I hope na pwede kayo mag overnight at sana payagan ako ni dads, swimming ah!
I have no money yet but God willing na bigyan ako, may purpose naman din kasi, hehehe.

FINAL THOUGHT:

We always have conflicts in life but it is us to decide if we fix it or let it destroy us. We experience this so that we may become a better person it can also make us lesser if we let it control our lives.

"You are made of the sum and total of the choices and decisions you make everyday."

Not All May Understand

Not all may understand what I am currently doing right now. Somebody will insist that I betrayed something or someone. Some may say that I am just doing it because I am just happy doing it. They might know me but everything may change. There are witnesses with in.

I know what I am doing so if anyone out there is trying to stop me, please don't. . . There are somethings that I want to learn on my own. . . Don't even think that I've just decided this easily for there are sacrifices. . .

One thing's for sure, I'll be bringing what you've taught to me, and when I get back I'll be sharing my experiences and try to implement it.

Nuff said . . .