My Progress

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Well my midterms went well for only my minor subjects, to tell you the truth hindi ako masyado nakapag-aral sa Microbiology. Buti pa yung English, hindi ako talaga nag-aral (who does ba sa amin?) pero ang dali lang sobra, lalo na 50 items lang yung test. I don't know what's happening to me but I think I am not even afraid of flunking this midterms, maybe its because of this things I've been thinking lately.

The CPM for me was a blast, esspecially that Bo Sanchez was the speaker. I was quite inspired by his talk; it was all about asking for God's Blessing and that we have the power to control our future if you just have faith on God and yourself. Well the dance went well, although yung isa wala, tsk tsk tsk. Sorry if hindi ako nakapunta sa assigned time ko sa ushers, pero I redeemed myself nung 6:30pm mass and again sorry if hindi ako nakapunta kanina sa meeting. Dapat may errand kami ni dadehyoh pero hindi natuloy, even so hindi ako pinayagan pumunta sa meeting, so sorry talaga. Partner! How's your "small happy feet" bwahahaha, joke, joke, joke lang po! I almost forgot mag-a-anniversary na pala yung PRYM, wooohhhhooooo!

Dang, I've got many things to do with in this week and this coming September sa church, school and family. And speaking of family my grand ma will be coming back this Saturday followed by my aunt on Sept 13 or 14 (sana may dalang chocolate and guitar strings). At last someone to talk to about my recent happenings.

REFLECTION:

I am looking forward to talk with my other realtives about this, I've already talked about it with only one of my cousins, friends, my mom and dad. Finally my grand ma and my aunty will be coming. I feel at ease and somehow I let a bit of this anxiety out, so for those of my friends that I approached and listen, I thank you for lending me your ears, the time, consultation, advices and sharing me also your experiences. Slowly, the mojority of my decision is shifting, but again and again my decision has not been made and I am still thinking of it. Right now I am just trying to survive and looking for a school I can apply just in case I decided to shift.

Something I've just learned, hehehe; "Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love is not love when you give it away."

Loosing Interest

MEMOIR LOG 2:

I remember when it’s a Saturday, holiday or no classes; my friends use to call and invite me to play at an internet café or video games. But most of the time we go to a house and play all day long and at night we would go to ATC and watch a movie. Back then, we were thinking of what courses we chose and what schools had we passed the entrance exam. But mostly we talk about our dreams; dreams that are un-reachable or ridiculous, dreams that when you see us in it you might ask us, “Are you guys serious?” But at least it was our interest.

I was looking at my goal so much that I have forgotten my real interests. And I think this why nothing is happening even when I study or sometimes get a little lazy. This might be also the reason I have this feeling of being out of place. But let’s put this way, if ever I found out what my interests are, what is then my vision of me 5-10 years from now? This began to bother me.

These thoughts have been a big issue with in me every single day. It is really, really difficult to decide. Right now I am reminding myself not to think about this for now and at least finish this one semester, but it’s such a distraction. I can’t focus on my studies and I can’t do anything right. I just wanted to give up right now and drop everything, I wanted to break free from this anxiety I am in.

Guys, I am sorry if I talk about this all the time. It is not for the sake of just having a blog entry but I just wanted to let this out. . .

Culture Silence

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Nang dahil kay bagyong Egay, walang pasok all levels from Wednesday to Saturday NCR. Sana lagging ganito hahaha joke, gusto ko din pumasok noh! But honestly I have not yet reviewed that much to all of my subjects, I reviewed only at Stats and Pol Gov and I am slowly forgetting what I had studied.

Wow! Ng dahil sa DOTA nag reunion kaming kaberks, hehehe. Bano na ako sobra, naging feeder na ako, nakakahiya na ako pag mag laro. Hell its just a game not a life and death situation. Although I still have my touch on playing PS2 puzzle and RPG games. Sayang I wanted to play Silent Hill 5 pero sa PS3 na siya, ang bilis ng turn over ng tecnology.

I am still thinking if I would continue my course or shift. When I think of it, I am reminded of my plans after I graduate. But now, I just got to do what I've got to do.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Isn't it funny when we know that a person, or anyone that's close to us, has done a mistake but yet we tend to ignore it. And why? Its because that we are trying to avoid that the person might either reject our comments or he/she would feel rejection. I tell you, it is better to tell the person his/her mistakes as early as possible so that both of you won't be embarrased with each other. Based on my experience, I was insulted and back stabbed when I've heard people's comments from another person and not from themselves. What matters for me is that they themselves would tell me whatever problems they have and I don't care if it is positive or negative, not to mention I am a frank person. So if you have any problems or you feel uncomfortable with somebody, you better tell him/her right away before others notice it, esspecially if it is someone really close to you, tell it in manner that the person would not be rejected or hurt. Be civilized, polite and mature enough! If that person won't change or listen that is another story. At least you've tried and showed your concern. It is the person's decision to change not yours; we could only persuade.

Was it a sign?

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Oh yan pang paalis din ng init ng ulo, nag pakalbo na ako hehehehe! Thanks to him nag pa semi na din ako hehehe! Of course bagay toh sa akin! Yun nga lang nagastos yung pang Wangan ko dahil dito; oh well at least presko. Walang pasok bukas make the most out of it. Grabe bagsak ko yung test sa subject na may background ako mostly, pero mas malala naman yung sa isa, ni isang quiz at unit test wala pa ako naipapasa. So I’ve got to really rely on the midterms, may God help me here.

Ei get well soon ah, hehehe namimiss nanaman kita!

FINAL THOUGHT:

The two storms that hit here saved my ass from all the up coming tests that I was not able to review. I am just wondering that if this is a sign that I should just continue my course or not. My practical at RLE was moved to August 30, our midterms were re-scheduled from Wednesday and Friday to Thursday and Saturday. And supposedly we will have our Health Care midterms today but it was moved next Tuesday instead. I was not able to review to all of the subjects yet and coincidently it was moved on my favor. I was wondering if fate was just trying to give me a break from all the stress and frustrations I am having. Although I will take note of this I won’t make it as my basis to stay on this course. Like some one said it is not an overnight decision.

Who is it to blame?

MEMOIR LOG 1:

Again I wake up today with this heavy feeling at my chest and head. Instead of waking up happily and thanking God for giving me life, all I could think of is pressure. Sometimes I wish that I can't get up from my slumber and let me sleep for all eternity. Yes some what I am suicidal. All of these for what? Just because of my school. Every single day going to school is like going to my own hell. I am struggling.

Then one day this came in to my mind, why the heck am I enduring this troubles when I could either transfer or shift course. I brought this up with my parents, obviously they got disappointed but I defended my statements. My true goal is to go abroad but I was focusing on it too much that I was not able to know myself, my abilities and my interests. So seeing that they've got no choice, the decision was given to me, whether to shift or not.

I am thinking of it very well because doing so means I've just wasted hundreds and thousands of pesos on my tuition for 4 semesters. Three from my first year and one which is right now at my second year. This also means that I've wasted my 1 1/2 years of time. On the other hand, if I continue with my course I may ended up not liking it at all and will just pressure things that's way out of my league. So I have 2 months to decide but one things for sure, whether to continue or not I will transfer to another school. I just hope I am doing the right thing, if not there will be no turning back.

Inauguration

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My new blog and my first entry hehehe enjoy! Got to love that Rush Hour 3 hehehehe pinanood namin ni daddy twice.

Bahala kayo dyan! Dati ako ang may problema sa inyo, ngayon kayo naman may problema sa isa't isa. I hope you endure the same hell I had endured.

Finally I have arranged a meeting for the music ministry, I hope, with this plan I've made, we would progress and bring things further. Magtulung-tulngan lang at magkasunduan tayo and everything will be fine. Thanks for the cooperation kanina!

Mid Terms, pfffftt hell yeah like I'll study, hehehe joke I'll study later on. . . Soon, either I am out of that school or I'll shift. I am not comfortable anymore and its way out of my league. I just hope that I am doing the right thing.

FINAL THOUGHT:

I too have noticed some changes within the group and its becoming worse every single day. I knew that this would be coming but somehow I see that almost all of us are affected. But as long as I am not involve on the scenario I won't have any problems. Don't even dare to ruin my life that's already quite messy!

I know there is a bit of disappointment on me, but I just realized that its not about making big bucks but its about doing something that I could live and die for. I never said that you would like my decision but all I need for you to do is to understand. But don't worry I am still thinking about it.

I pray that we will be able to inspire, guide and make a better example to our fellow members. I ask guidance for what I am doing at my ministry and making the right decisions in life.