Who is it to blame?

MEMOIR LOG 1:

Again I wake up today with this heavy feeling at my chest and head. Instead of waking up happily and thanking God for giving me life, all I could think of is pressure. Sometimes I wish that I can't get up from my slumber and let me sleep for all eternity. Yes some what I am suicidal. All of these for what? Just because of my school. Every single day going to school is like going to my own hell. I am struggling.

Then one day this came in to my mind, why the heck am I enduring this troubles when I could either transfer or shift course. I brought this up with my parents, obviously they got disappointed but I defended my statements. My true goal is to go abroad but I was focusing on it too much that I was not able to know myself, my abilities and my interests. So seeing that they've got no choice, the decision was given to me, whether to shift or not.

I am thinking of it very well because doing so means I've just wasted hundreds and thousands of pesos on my tuition for 4 semesters. Three from my first year and one which is right now at my second year. This also means that I've wasted my 1 1/2 years of time. On the other hand, if I continue with my course I may ended up not liking it at all and will just pressure things that's way out of my league. So I have 2 months to decide but one things for sure, whether to continue or not I will transfer to another school. I just hope I am doing the right thing, if not there will be no turning back.