Just Not For Me

SHOUT IT OUT:
Well last night my dad, aunt, grand mother and I had a serious talk with regards of my transferring of school and shifting course. Well they gave advises as usual, but still the decision was mine. So I decided not to shift course but I will transfer but there was a hindrance. The school where I plan to transfer does not accept transferees, and that really pissed me off. So I guess all that I've been bragging and planning about was not worth it after all. So so long to that skul, sayang talaga ang ganda ng lugar! Talagang pagtitiisan ko na lang itong skul kung nasaan ako ngayon no matter what.
Wala na kaming RLE pero yung minor subjects naman ang sakit sa ulo, takte ang dapat pahinga ko ay nagging time para gumawa ng projects and stuff.

HOT SEAT:
My friend, I advice that you better stop being bossy or treating me like a piece of crap, there might be a time that I might just punch you out of no where. Good thing I am able to control my anger unlike before. But dude just change your attitude! That's all man, you're all that I've got out there, let's not make things worse.

REFLECTION:
Well, there are just somethings that come into your life that seems not right. Sometimes this leads you to the right decision but sometimes it just leads you to despair. But what matters is the thing that you do and the decisions that you make. There is always a reason for everything that happens to us and we must decide what to do about it.

Gone Shopping

SHOUT IT OUT:

Well I didn't review much on Micro Biology, but I just hope I pass this one.

Finally I have my Gold Timezone Card ,hehe, pero nawala yung pag ka wangan ko due to my one month absence of playing. But I am getting the hang of it.

Erg the meeting didn't went well did it? Ang nakaka-inis pa I was not there. Err babawi ako

Ang saya ko this day, pumunta kami ni Tita sa MOA. Nagulat ako bigla nilibre ako ng dinner, bumili kami ng polo shirt and regular shirt for me, then we bought 2 Sitti CDs, yung first and second album, them we bought lola and daddy pasalubong na donuts. Haha enjoy, thank God they are here!

REFLECTION:

I am relly happy that you guys are here. Ever since you arrived I've been eating a lot and like wise healthy. I am now able to eat my breakfast again regularly.

Things are not going well academically but the difference this time is I am somewhat striving harder and I am gaining new knowledge with my course.

You've got some f****** nerve telling them what happened to me. Could you please just stop annoying me. Yes I know this is old news but yet for me I felt like you are bringing my dignity down. I am not doing any single thing to you so please stop re-injuring my wounds that was so hard to heal! Just stay out and quit telling it to others please! You've got no business telling others my past!

Judgement Day

Day 6 Wednesday

Well nothing much happened, although naawa ako talaga sa mga leaders ng bawat grupo. Nag puyat sila for the defense. The day was for them to finalize there work with the community defense with the help of our clinical instructors. I slept most of the time, me and my group mates, except for our leader.

Day 7 Thursday

It was our final case defence for the community survey and it will be defended by our leaders. There are three leaders We can help our leaders by answering some questions that they could not answer. Well for you to get the picture of how many we were, there are three community groups Pasay, Las Pinas and Paranaque which I belong. Each community group has at least 10-12 groups of randomly picked sections each groups has 10-15 members. So ang dami namin pero yung leaders lang yung pinagawa ng mga CI. So all of us members were relying our grades to our leaders. So to know who will present the case first, the leaders had draw lots and we were the first one to present. But we ended up number one averaging to 84%. Imagine we had an avergae grade but we were the highest. So the only problem now is my health care.

Simply Happy and Badtripped

SHOUT IT OUT:

My Auntie is finally here wooohhhhoooo! Kumpleto nanaman kami at last after 2 years. At least I have someone to talk to and more food to eat and of course to have more financial support, hehehe! Nakakainggit yung mga gadgets nya :(( , I wanna have those too. Dibale pag nakaipon ako hehehehe. . .

Sayang! Sale sa MOA kanina hindi man lang ako nakabili ng mga vcd, dvd or books. Niyayaya ko family ko but they went na to SM na kanina, erg nakaka-inis. But okay na din I need to study a bit. Kailangan ko makabawi sa Health Care, warning na ako s***!

Another bad trip ay yung hindi ako sure kung makakapunta ako sa meeting sa Sept 22 kasi Unit test namin pero at least makakapunta ako sa aniv, that's for sure.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Well I am so glad that my auntie is back! I hope she'll teach me how to drive, hehehe.

Everything's going well now. All of our hindrances are put away but still we have limitations now, but to tell you honestly I kinda miss you a bit. But everything has changed and we have continue our lives in seperate ways. If you need help don't hesitate to ask from me.

My friend, don't let those people bother you. Let them be and just continue the things that you've got to do if you still wanted to live here. I know exactly how you feel but remember that there is someone else who had more problems than you. And please stop blaming Him for your sorrows.

Two Nights Out

Day 3 Wednesday

THE NIGHT BEFORE:
If last week's community was hot, this week was Toxic! Grabe! Nag-empake ako nung Tuesday Morning before going to classes for our overnight with my group at RLE to make our case study. The house that we stayed in was near at the community site so we had no problems of being late at our RLE the next day. Nagkataong PE din namin that day, so I brought a lot of things but I didn't bring my Pol Gov and Stat book. Buti na lang my aunt helped me on my PE clothes. Haha! natawa ako sa ibang girls na nag overnight, lumabas yung tunay na pananamit sa mga bahay nila! Hehehe! My Insomya helped, plus uminom pa ako ng 3 cups of coffee and 8 pieces of kisses chocolates. Yun nga lang hindi talaga ako nakatulog. I brought my laptop, though really slow and crappy, it helped a lot for me and my group mates.

THE DAY ITSELF:
As I said kulang talaga ako sa tulog, my head hurts a lot plus I was a bit drowzy and dizzy attending our RLE. So pumunta kami sa meeting place about 7:00-7:15am, to finish yung mga kulang pa gawin sa pamilya namin. Before we started, tumambay muna kami saglit sa may bilyaran just near the house of our family, kasi tulog pa sila. Nakatulog ako sa may table (hindi yung billard table ah) for about an hour ata with my partner to wait for our family to wake up. After assessing our family, kumain kami with the other groups sa Max's Resto, pang piesta pagkain namin; parang kala mo tapos na Defense namin sa Case Study, hehehe. And then we went back to our Clinical Instructors for there final instructions for defense for the next day and dismissed na kami. Hindi muna ako umuwi, I volunteered to help my group with the power point. For once I thought I would be going home, but no. Nag overnight uli ako (this time sa house of our other member) kasi hindi ko pa natapos yung Case Study ng ka-pair ko, I have to help with the case study for the group and mukhang delikado yung plan ko na umuwi ng late na late. But at least medyo masaya yung overnight ko na ito, actually nagkaraoke muna kami before we started hehe. And nakatulog ako for at least two hours. Nilabhan ko yung uniform ko and tinapat ko sa electricfan para madaling matuyo.

Day 4 Thursday

1st DEFENSE:
Ginising ako ng maaga, hehehe, bitin pero kailangan eh, my laptop was very, very, very, slow, na over used. Plus nagloloko pa yung extra gadgets na ginagamit namin (another laptop and a PC) na ginagamit namin. So I was in a rush na tensed na inis. Becuase ako yung taga transfer ng files from laptop to laptop and PC to laptop plus I kinda helped a little yung sa Case Study for the group and ginagawa ko pa yung Case Study ng ka-pair ko. At 7:00am, We brought the printer sa school to print there yung mga extra coppies for our pannel. We were the second group to discuss and defend our case study. Buti na lang mababait yung mga CI namin and we got a grade of 84%. What do you expect, it was just our first time. But it was worth it!

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

I can't believe that I put all my trust in you and yet you left me with all of these load. Yes, you may have done the Physical Examination at the family but I made the whole f****** documentation that consists of First Level Assessment, Second Level Assessment, Cues/Data, Scoring, Ranking and Nursing Care Plan. Isa ito sa mga dahilan kung bakit ayoko yung section ko maraming makakapal ang mukha! Tan*-*** wala akong pake-alam kung tinutulungan mo ang kaibigan mo! Sarili mong partner or case wala kang paki-alam put** ka. Still at least I have already an idea and I've learned something. And all of my sleepless nights, hard work and two nights out were all worth it. And it's not over yet. . .

Everybody falls and everybody rises, but for now I am in a middle of it. It is normal for first timers to fall, but it is up to you if you'll let it get over your head or improve. Remember that you're not the only one, having problems or difficulties on academics. Though I slept for two nights to get only an average grade, it was worth it. I can't say if I got tired nor I had a good time with my classmates but I know for sure this is my first achievement as a Nursing student. I also felt like a student that lives on dormitories, it was challenging.Good thing I was with my classmates who were hard working.

The Heat

Day 1: Wednesday

I quickly got up from bed at around 5 am, kala ko malelelate na ako kasi yung call time naming dapat sa skul ay 6:30am. Ligo ako agad and drank milk for breakfast. Sakto lang yung pag dating ko sa skul, yung mga CI namin nasa canteen kumakain. Nakatulog pa ako sa Lecture Hall B for an hour. Nakabawi naman, pero nakakainis din kasi call time ng mga CI 6:30am pero nag simula kami at around 8am. Lecture palang yun, hindi pa kami lumalabas sa community.

So after the lecture nag lunch kami sa Mcdo and started the survey sa Baclaran. Well actually binilang muna naming yung ilang family members present sa assigned street sa amin. Buti na lang yung sa amin yung napapapunta sa amin ng partner ko mga cooperative. Pero grabe ang init mga amoy anak araw na kami at dumikit na sa amin yung mga usok galing sa tambucho ng jeep. Nakakapagod! Ligo ako agad pag uwi tapos tulog agad sa kama.

Day 2: Thursday

Ngayon ko ata na appreciate yung ginagawa ko kesa kahapon. It took us almost an hour to conduct a survey on each houses, tatlo yung pinuntahan namin ng partner ko. Tapos namili kami ng isang family for an interview using the Gordon’s. Yun ang actually gusting gawin, to have an interview, ask questions and give advices. Kaya yung init at pagod today was worth it. But the worse and madugong part is yet to come. Grabe next week na yung Case Study.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

My anxieties are wearing out slowly and I am on the mood to study again, somehow. I just hope this continues.
I suddenly realized that we should first prioritize the things that are needed and stick to whatever plans you’ve made. Thanks for the advice because it encouraged me somehow.
I hope they accept me, God willing. See you soon bro!

Upon Arrival

SHOUT IT OUT:

My midterm was a catastrophe! Kailan kong bumawi sa lahat as in. Grabe if I was high last year, this year I slumped really hard. Kailan ko bumawi before I make things worse.

Last Saturday, September 1 at around 6am, my dad and I fetched my grandmother at the airport. We discussed a lot of things like my recent happenings, the repairs needed for the clinic, the changes that had happen and so many many more. Nawala banaman for 2 years, hehehe. First time ko nagging open sa kanya.

I apologize again if hindi ako nakapunta sa practice ng animators and ung sa duty ko sa ushers. Promise talaga babawi ako next week. Biglaan kasi si Lola nag decide na gusto niya makita yung relatives ko sa Pacita. Sayang nga lang si Ate tulog hehehe, yung isa naman dala ang kanyang junior and I finally saw my other cousin's wife. She is very very very pretty, my kuya is very luck and the girl also was very lucky, hehehe. I raise my glass to both of you!

HOT SEAT:

Well this is my first ever "hot seat" blog entry. Well no offense to the person (s) I am gonna put on here okay; but bear in mind that I am not doing this to put some one's dignity or reputation down. But with in respect to privacy I won't mention any names. But since "Willie Reviliame" and "Joey De Leon" are very much popular, I would make this one an exception. Hell everyone knows you!

To both parties I really like your shows; in fact I've been watching Eat Buluga since elementary then later discovered MTB that was later changed to another noon time show that I forgot and again was changed to Wowowee.

Willie had made many mistakes; like he had a case on the past, civilian casualties and now the error on a game. Good thing Willie admitted he's mistakes but next time, please, plan and organize everything very well before you execute. I know that you have difficulties hosting and managing the show but remember that the people are relying on it (as long as the other one) just to get have there needs.

To the other show, especially to Joey De Leon, I know you have concerns with regards to the people being dependent on those games, but you are so unprofessional on showing it! I'll spell it to you U-N-P-R-O-F-E-S-S-I-O-N-A-L! Now this does not mean that I am siding on Willie but if you want to show your concern, do it in a way that there would be no discrimination to the other station. You should know better, you have been hosting for years! Now, I know that the people must have knowledge on any defrauds that's happening, but still do it in a "professional" way, not like a bully taking advantage to a child. You said "explain before you complain", yes that's true, but Willie has the right to complain at this point and the error has been explained anyway by the manager. And you are the source of this catastrophe, punot dulo ka nito. Willie admitted his mistake so don't add anymore insults to injury. You think with your idea of "hugot likod" or the you tube thingy you brought up was funny?

Now who am I to post this? I mean you are an experienced artist and I am just an ordinary civilian, a viewer and a student. I am concerned to my fellow youth and youngsters who are viewing; there are kids watching your show! To both parties, your objective is to bring joy and inspiration to the viewers. If they continue to view something like these (eg: cheating, acts of intolerance) they would perceive this stimuli to be normal and they may add this as there daily habit. And like there are those people that are dependent and hoping that they would win something just to bring something home to there families even just a little bit. Please, our country is now facing numerous problems, so don't add up to it anymore.

What's done is done, Wowowee had an error and they are sorry so stop it, okay. Everything was explained! So just continue doing what you have to do; bring joy and inspiration and be both professional competitors as well.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

Well, hehe, what a hell of a hot seat, hehehe!

I've made up my mind already, I just hope I've made the right decision, may God help me.

If there are any fueds in or out I just hope it woul be over soon.

Burning these letters

MEMOIR LOG 3:

When I got in to that school, I am as innocent as I am always. And entering this new stage will entirely change my life's perspective. Yes, it had a big impact on me; esspecially when she came in to my life. Who would have thought that I would love someone with so much affliction. I had done this before but this one was special. No words could explain my feelings for her. I am a man of action than of words; believe me, I don't talk about it but rather I do something about it.

I still remember the night when I opened myself up to you that quickly. That we exchanged talents, jokes, stories and experiences. When we are about to go home together. The conversations we had on the phone. And I can still remember the exact scent of your perfume. Everytime I could smell its aroma, all I could think of is you.

I remember the night that you said you needed space; we had a bit of a conflict that was later resolved but only for a mean time. Then out came from my pathetic mouth the most stupid thing that I've ever said and done to you. Then we had lost communications, we didn't talk and we don't even great each other, "hi, hello, good morning, bye and take care" as if we were complete strangers.

I was left alone, you left me behind without any reasons at all. I had no one else to talk about it. I can't trust my friends yet that time because we were only about to know each other's personality. I had also this foolish idea to leave all of communications to all of my organizations, friends and cousins, thinking that this would help me focus more. But rather, I was isolated. Imagine that I've kept everything for myself. My mornings are all shitty, going to school was like hell, I always had this heavy pain on my chest, I was blaming and swearing to myself and God. I had scuicidal tendencies and I had lost my faith. I have let these emotions took over me.

This pain I carried turned to feelings, then this feelings had become my actions, then actions to habits and habits to routines. Until slowly, I realized all of these were just temporary. I don't want to stay in the shadows for a long time. I can't let it take over me. Slowly I got fed up with these routines and as I progress my routines began to desintegrate, until it finally lasted and has become a memory.

I had become a fool, pathetic and a laughing stock for a long time. Yet I strived hard to change. Despite of the problems, disappointments, embarasments and all of the negativity that I've undergone, I was able to get myself back on track. I was able to keep those things in the past where it should be. I moved on. . . In a hard way though.

For a while I thought that everything would be over, that everything will just be wasted. But I can't let it happen. I have come this far and to slash my own life is like putting all of my achievements into the bin. Though I've been trough this predicament, the suffering was worth while. It made me a stronger person than before plus I've learned a lot about life and reality.

Now, I am just doing things that I've got to do, although my midterms are quite disappointing (hehehe sorry about that), I was able to appreciate life more. Like I said past will be past and will stay six feet under. Right now believe it or not, when when I remember these things I've done, I just laugh about it.

"Gold can never be pure when it is not placed on fire. It has to endure its flames plenty of times until the refiner is finally satisfied to its shape and beauty. . ."

and


"Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. . ."