Burning these letters

MEMOIR LOG 3:

When I got in to that school, I am as innocent as I am always. And entering this new stage will entirely change my life's perspective. Yes, it had a big impact on me; esspecially when she came in to my life. Who would have thought that I would love someone with so much affliction. I had done this before but this one was special. No words could explain my feelings for her. I am a man of action than of words; believe me, I don't talk about it but rather I do something about it.

I still remember the night when I opened myself up to you that quickly. That we exchanged talents, jokes, stories and experiences. When we are about to go home together. The conversations we had on the phone. And I can still remember the exact scent of your perfume. Everytime I could smell its aroma, all I could think of is you.

I remember the night that you said you needed space; we had a bit of a conflict that was later resolved but only for a mean time. Then out came from my pathetic mouth the most stupid thing that I've ever said and done to you. Then we had lost communications, we didn't talk and we don't even great each other, "hi, hello, good morning, bye and take care" as if we were complete strangers.

I was left alone, you left me behind without any reasons at all. I had no one else to talk about it. I can't trust my friends yet that time because we were only about to know each other's personality. I had also this foolish idea to leave all of communications to all of my organizations, friends and cousins, thinking that this would help me focus more. But rather, I was isolated. Imagine that I've kept everything for myself. My mornings are all shitty, going to school was like hell, I always had this heavy pain on my chest, I was blaming and swearing to myself and God. I had scuicidal tendencies and I had lost my faith. I have let these emotions took over me.

This pain I carried turned to feelings, then this feelings had become my actions, then actions to habits and habits to routines. Until slowly, I realized all of these were just temporary. I don't want to stay in the shadows for a long time. I can't let it take over me. Slowly I got fed up with these routines and as I progress my routines began to desintegrate, until it finally lasted and has become a memory.

I had become a fool, pathetic and a laughing stock for a long time. Yet I strived hard to change. Despite of the problems, disappointments, embarasments and all of the negativity that I've undergone, I was able to get myself back on track. I was able to keep those things in the past where it should be. I moved on. . . In a hard way though.

For a while I thought that everything would be over, that everything will just be wasted. But I can't let it happen. I have come this far and to slash my own life is like putting all of my achievements into the bin. Though I've been trough this predicament, the suffering was worth while. It made me a stronger person than before plus I've learned a lot about life and reality.

Now, I am just doing things that I've got to do, although my midterms are quite disappointing (hehehe sorry about that), I was able to appreciate life more. Like I said past will be past and will stay six feet under. Right now believe it or not, when when I remember these things I've done, I just laugh about it.

"Gold can never be pure when it is not placed on fire. It has to endure its flames plenty of times until the refiner is finally satisfied to its shape and beauty. . ."

and


"Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. . ."