Paralyzed

Everything was messed up today!

I don't know if I will fail my P.E. because of absences, yeah laugh it all off, I might fail this stupid subject. Our dumb school placed it on 7am and I have problems waking up early. Our Health Eco is getting harder and harder, as if its a major subject. We have a big project on D & S that is so long and hard.

Ever since I stepped to that school, it feels like I can't do anything right and I almost can't do anything that I want. Now, I feel like it has taken away my freedom as well. I can't believe that I am here in this stage again of being pushed around. It just pisses me off that they are adding up to those people whom I dislike. Call me a squealer or a cry baby, I don't give a damn but I am just tired of this shit again. So here I am, back on my old me: going off alone sometimes, leaving my friends behind (because sometimes they eat with us), going to the library without any companions, being silent in one corner, letting them do there thing to me, smiling only if there are discussions which are happy and funny and being numb to almost everybody. The reason that I don't fight back is that I am unable to physically back myself up and I don't want to go down to there level. Trust me, if you are going down on a handicap match against the people who are foolish, stupid, immature and arrogant, you alone will lose even if you're that smart. They'll just drag and beat you down to there level. You may call me a coward but why don't they do this stuff to the professors and to the people who can match up with them instead; we'll see who's the one frightened. All they can do is talk! Plus there is this one block mate who has a problem with me that he won't tell me exactly what it is. Of all things, this is what I don't like! If you have a problem with me tell it straight to my face. Don't riddle it out for me but say it straight.

I feel like I am falling down with my social life and academics, just like what I always feel when I am still a kid. I should have transferred when I had a chance. But there is always this something that keeps me attached to them. I always wanted to be an Irregular student, but its impossible, I need to fail a subject or be one of those students who are in danger of there grades. And now I don't know if I could further keep up.